How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows

One of the questions I ask my couples when we are having our introductory meeting is if they plan to write your own vows.  This is the number one way to personalize your ceremony, but it is also the part that gives couples the most anxiety.  I get asked, “Where do I start?”  “How long should my vows be?”  “I am not a very good writer, how can I write something that shows how much I love my partner?”  Here are a few tips to get you started, but if you want more help, reach out and book some time with me at www.flowercitynuptials.com.

Get on the same page

My first piece of advice is to discuss with your partner what kind of tone and length you want the vows to be.  No one wants to leave their partner feeling disappointed on their wedding day after they wrote these heartfelt vows, and yours are full of jokes.  Ask them is it okay to have some jokes in there or do you want the whole piece to be serious?  Are we writing a page or two of just a paragraph?  Are we writing them on paper, vow books, or is it okay to use our phones?  After the two of you decide the content, this is the last time you should discuss your vows with your partner.  You want the emotions of hearing them for the first time to be on your wedding day.

Write ugly

When it comes to the actual writing of your wedding vows just “write ugly”.  Have it be a mind dump of ideas and feelings.  You can use a notes app on your phone to jot down ideas as you think of them, or start a doc on your computer (or if you are old school like me - use a notebook).  Don’t worry about it sounding good yet, how long it is, or being grammatically correct.  Just write your vows.  We often cause our own writers’ block because we want everything we type out to be perfect on the first go.  Here’s the truth: NO ONE WRITES THAT WAY!!!!  I don’t; your favorite authors and screenwriters don’t, so you shouldn’t either.  Just write your vows with  everything you want to say, and you can edit later.  Start this early so you have lots of time to think about memories you want to include, promises you will make, and so you don’t feel rushed.  You may want your officiant or someone involved in the wedding to read over both your vows and your partner’s ahead of time.  Even though you discussed it in advance, you want to make sure both sets of vows are similar in length and tone.

Personalized Vow Books

Where Do I Begin?

You have so many feelings inside of you about your wedding and writing your own wedding vows, so how do you narrow down what you’re going to say?  The first thing I ask couples when I am working on writing their vows with them is “what do you love about them?”  For all the people you had crushes on or previously dated, this person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.  What made you fall in love with them?  How did you know they were “the one”?  What do they do that makes you laugh?  What do they do that drives you crazy but you love them in spite of it?  What are the small things (maybe their freckles or how their nose crinkles when they laugh) or big things (how you can always count on them or they calm you when you are upset) that make them “your person”?  Even if you decided you want your vows to be serious and romantic, it is okay to put in some “cute details” that make everyone laugh with joy.  You don’t want the tone of the vows to be all one note; you want your guests to feel all the ways you love this person and the more specific and descriptive you can be, the better.

Then as you continue to write your vows, think about what you can promise to do for them.  This can be silly or serious or, in my opinion, the best choice: a combination of both. My favorite example is Adam Sandler’s song where his character, Robbie, sings to Julia on the airplane in the movie The Wedding Singer:

I wanna make you smile,

whenever you're sad.

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.

Oh, all i wanna do, is grow old with you.

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches,

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.

Oh, it could be so nice, growin' old with you.

I'll miss you, kiss you,

Give you my coat when you are cold,

need you, feed you.

I'll even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink,

put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.

Oh I could be the man who grows old with you.

I wanna grow old with you…

What the song does well as it balances the silly with the sweet.  When you write your vows you can do that too.  Do you promise to be there in sickness and in health, or is it to cheer on their favorite team even though you don’t really follow sports?  Do you promise to always ask for two spoons when you order dessert even though they say they don’t want any? Do you promise to always make their favorite meal for them or do you promise to love them now as well as when they are older and wrinkled?  

Need More Help?

If you want to write your own vows, and you’d like a little more guidance, please reach out at www.flowercitynuptials.com.  We are always happy to share our experience in crafting couple-centric ceremonies and vows are no exception.